St. FRIENDS!?

Sam and Tom have been close friends since high school; they have been helping each other all along when either one of them is facing troubles.

One day, Sam was doing his chemistry homework when he came to the most difficult part he could not solve it. Grabbed the phone next to him, he dialed Tom.

“Hi, Sam! What’s up, man?” asked Tom immediately, who was busy fixing a tape recorder for his brother, when he answered the call.

“Yeah… I have here this chemistry exercise from Professor Jane,” Sam replied frankly. “But it seems I can’t get through it for her this evening. Do you think you can come and give me a hand for this?”

There was pause before Tom said reluctantly with some crew drivers in his hand, “Well… I’m afraid I’m stuck with this fixing. Can I come this evening, after I finished this?”

“It’s fine… I’ll have to do it all by my own then” ……toood….toood…...toood [phone disconnected] Sam replied and ended the call.

“Hello? Sam…?”

Now what? What’s going to happen to them next?

This dialog is a typical case, and such similar events may be happening every time to every one of us.

Sam and Tom were not that good, close friends any more. They simply saw each other when they saw each other. Fewer talks ever happened between them, no more good time.

If I may, I’d ask, Is this really necessary for them to be like this? Is it Sam’s fault? Or it’s Tom’s? Or theirs? And if I have to answer, I’d say it was not their fault—not Sam’s nor Tom’s.

Sam was asking for help from Tom, who Sam surely believed could help him out. Tom decided not to go at that time simply because he’s fixing the tape recorder for his brother, which may be very important. We don’t know.

However, both Sam and Tom were not what I would call St. friends—be Sincere and Trust.

Sam was Sincere, of course. He was asking for Tom to help him with the work he really could not do, but Sam did not Trust Tom. He may not perceive that what Tom was working might be important to Tom. What Sam was thinking was probably that Tom should be able to come and help him out, since Tom is supposed to be so for Sam.

For Tom, on the other hand, he may also be Sincere, but we don’t really know for sure. And like Sam, Tom may not Trust Sam enough that Sam really needed his help, at that time. It appears that Tom did not see the importance of the “help” Sam was asking for.

They are thus not St. Friends.

It’s quite easy to see the overall picture of this situation, for both sides of it (Sam’s situation and Tom’s situation) were illuminated for you. You know quite sure what Sam was doing and why he called Tom to ask for help. You also know what Tom was doing and why he refused to come right at that time.

But it’s surely not easy to see the overall picture of the ‘real’ situation, your real situation which you could only see from one side, from your only side, obviously.

Imagine you are in a situation that you are asking your friend for help. I’m sure you’ll be sincere, but when your friend tells you he/she couldn’t come and help you, do you Trust your friend for what he/she told you? Do you Trust your friend who does not come and help you when you really need him/her to help? Perhaps, not! You may not trust him, simply because you need his/her help.

Then what I would tell you is: be a St. Friend! Be Sincere and Trust your friend more!

Your friend may really can’t come and help you right at the time you want him/her to come.

Imagine you are in a situation that you are asked by your friend for help—a kind of help that you can do for him/her, regardless of any constraints. Check yourself if you are really sincere when telling your friend you can’t come and help him/her out. In such a situation, a person tends to be more Insincere than Sincere, of course, simply because they would opt out from involving the task. But more importantly, do you Trust that your friend is really having troubles and need your help? Just like your friend who asks for help and who may not trust you when you tell him/her you can’t come and help, you would have a feeling that your friend may not really need your help. But the reverse is more the truth.

Your friend may really need your help and you really can help him/her. That’s why your friend calls you.

Then what I would tell you is: be a St. Friend! Be Sincere and Trust your friend more!

This particular speech of mine was inspired by my own experience with one of my friends, and I’d like to delicate this speech to him.

Good evening!